Friday, December 1, 2017
one more stupid joke
A blonde wanted to go ice fishing. She'd seen many
books on the subject, and finally getting all the necessary tools
together, she set out for the ice.
After positioning her comfy footstool, she started to make a circular cut in the ice.
uddenly, from the sky, a voice boomed "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE".
Startled, the blonde moved further down the ice, poured a thermos of cappuccino, and began to cut yet another hole.
Again from the heavens the voice bellowed "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE".
The blonde, now worried, moved away,
clear down to the opposite end of the ice. She set up her stool once
more and tried again to cut her hole.
The voice came once more "THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE".
She stopped, looked skyward, and said "IS THAT YOU LORD?" The voice replied "NO, THIS IS THE MANAGER OF THE ICE SKATING RINK!"
revenge of the stupid jokes part deux
A man is sitting in a bar looking really upset. The barman realises
that this depressed looking man is bad for business so goes to cheer
him up. "What's the matter?" asks the barman. "I've just found my wife
in bed with my best friend" "That's awful!" shouts the barman. "What a
bitch! What did you do?" "Well" said the man "I grabbed my girlfriend
by the hair, threw her out of the house, grabbed all her clothes, threw
them out of the window after her and told her never to come back".
"Good for you" says the barman. "What did you do to your best friend?"
"Well" says the man. "I shook my finger at him and said "BAD DOG!"
revenge of the stupid jokes!
There were two lovers, who were really into
spiritualism and reincarnation. They vowed that if either died, the one
remaining would try to contact the partner in the other world exactly
30 days after their death.
Unfortunately, a few weeks later, the young man died in a car wreck.
True to her word, his sweetheart tried to contact him in the spirit world exactly 30 days later.
At the séance, she called out "John,
John, this is Martha. Do you hear me?" A ghostly voice answered her
"Yes Martha, this is John. I can hear you".
Martha tearfully asked "Oh John, what
is it like where you are?" "It's great. There are azure skies, a soft
breeze, sunshine most of the time, the grass is so green and the cows
have such beautiful eyes".
"What do you do all day?" asked
Martha. "Well, Martha, we get up before sunrise, eat some good
breakfast, and there's nothing but making love until noon. After lunch,
we nap until two and then make love again until about five. After
dinner, we go at it again until we fall asleep about 11 p.m".
Martha was somewhat taken aback.
"Is that what heaven really is like?" "Heaven? I'm not in heaven,
Martha". "Well, then, where are you?" "I'm a bull in Montana".
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