Paddy and Mick were walking along a street in London. Paddy looked in one of the shop windows and saw a sign that caught his eye. The sign read "Suits £5.00 each, Shirts £2.00 each, Trousers £2.50 per pair".

Paddy said to his pal "Mick look at the prices! We could buy a whole lot of those and when we get back to Ireland we could make a fortune. Now when we go in you stay quiet, okay? Let me do all da talking 'cause if they hear our accents, they might think we're thicko's from Ireland and try to screw us. I'll put on me best English accent".

"Roight y'are Paddy, I'll keep me mouth shut, so I will. You do all da business!" said Mick.

They go in and Paddy said in a posh voice "Hello my good man. I'll take 50 suits at £5.00 each, 100 shirts at £2.00 each, and 50 pairs of trousers at £2.50 each. I'll back up me truck ready to load 'em on, so I will".

The owner of the shop said quietly "You're from Ireland, aren't you?" "Well yes" said a surprised Paddy. "What gave it away?" The owner replied "This is a dry-cleaners".

On the first day, God created the dog and said "Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years". The dog said "That's a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I'll give you back the other ten?"

So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said "Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I'll give you a twenty-year life span". The monkey said "Monkey tricks for twenty years? That's a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did"?

And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said "You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer's family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years". The cow said "That's kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I'll give back the other forty"?

And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created man and said "Eat, sleep, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I'll give you twenty years". But man said "Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back. That makes eighty, okay"?

"Okay" said God "You asked for it".

So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, sleep, play and enjoy ourselves. For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family. For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandchildren. And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.

Life has now been explained to you.

One day a farmer's donkey fell down into a well. The animal cried piteously for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided the animal was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway... it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the donkey.

He invited all his neighbours to come over and help him. They all grabbed a shovel and began to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey realised what was happening and cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement he quieted down.

A few shovel loads later, the farmer finally looked down the well. He was astonished at what he saw. With each shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey was doing something amazing. He would shake it off and take a step up.

As the farmer's neighbours continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and happily trotted off!

Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up.

Remember the five simple rules to be happy:

1. Free your heart from hatred - Forgive.
2. Free your mind from worries - Most never happen.
3. Live simply and appreciate what you have.
4. Give more.
5. Expect less.

NOW...

Enough of that crap . . .

The donkey later bit the farmer who had tried to bury him. The bite got infected, and the farmer eventually died in agony from septic shock.

Moral of the story: When you do something wrong and try to cover your ass, it always comes back to bite you.