Stupid Joke

My neighbour Andrea found out that our dog (a Schnauzer) could hardly hear, so she took it to the vet. The vet found that the problem was hair in the dog's ears. He cleaned both ears and the dog could then hear fine.

The vet then proceeded to tell Andrea that if she wanted to keep this from recurring, she should go to the pharmacy and get some 'Nair' hair remover and rub it in the dog's ears once a month.

Andrea went to the store and bought some 'Nair' hair remover.

At the register, the pharmacist told her "If you're going to use this under your arms, don't use deodorant for a few days".

Andrea said "I'm not using it under my arms".

The pharmacist said "If you're using it on your legs, don't use body lotion for a couple of days". Andrea replied "I'm not using it on my legs either. If you must know, I'm using it on my Schnauzer".

The pharmacist said "Well, stay off your bike for at least a week".

Stupid Joke

A cowboy appeared before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates. "Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked. "Well, I can think of one thing" the cowboy offered. "On a trip to the Big Horn Mountains out in Wyoming, I came upon a gang of bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So, I approached the largest and most tattooed biker and smacked him in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring, and threw it on the ground". I yelled "Now, back off or I'll kick the shit out of all of you" Saint Peter was impressed "When did this happen?" "Couple of minutes ago".

Stupid Joke

A couple has a dog that snores. Annoyed because she can’t sleep, the wife goes to the vet to see if he can help.
The vet tells the woman to tie a ribbon around the dog’s testicles, and he will stop snoring.
“Yeah right!” she says.
A few minutes after going to bed, the dog begins snoring, as usual. The wife tosses and turns, unable to sleep. Muttering to herself, she goes to the closet and grabs a piece of red ribbon and ties it carefully around the dog’s testicles.
Sure enough, the dog stops snoring. The woman is amazed…
Later that night, her husband returns home drunk from being out drinking with his buddies. He climbs into bed, falls asleep and immediately begins snoring loudly.
The woman decides maybe the ribbon might work on him. So, she goes to the closet again, grabs a piece of blue ribbon and ties it around her husband’s testicles. Amazingly, it also works on him!
The woman sleeps soundly. The husband wakes from his drunken stupor and stumbles into the bathroom. As he stands in front of the toilet, he glances in the mirror and sees a blue ribbon attached to his privates.
He is very confused, and as he walks back into the bedroom, he sees the red ribbon attached to his dog’s testicles. He shakes his head and looks at the dog and whispers,
“I don’t know where we were or what we did… but, by *somehow* we took FIRST and SECOND place!

I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control.  I thought to myself… “Well this changes everything!”

 I accidentally superglued my thumb and index finger  together. At first, I panicked. Then I realised that it was always going to be  okay.

everyone stay safe!