Stupid Joke

A guy walks into a bar and sits down. After a few minutes, he starts dialling numbers like a telephone but on the back of his hand. He then flips his hand over, and starts talking into the palm of his hand.

The bartender walks over and tells him this is a very tough neighbourhood and he doesn't need any trouble from weirdos here.

The guy says "You don't understand. I'm very high tech. I had a phone installed in my hand because I was tired of carrying the cellular". The bartender says "prove it".

The guy dials up a number and hands his hand to the bartender.

The bartender talks into the hand and carries on a brief conversation. "That's incredible" he says "I would never have believed it". "Yeah" said the man "I can keep in touch with my broker, my wife, you name it. By the way, where is the men's room?"

The man goes in and 5, 10, 20 minutes pass and he doesn't return. Fearing the worst and given the violence in the neighbourhood, the bartender goes to check on him.

The bartender finds the guy spread eagle against the wall.

His pants are pulled down and he has a roll of toilet paper shoved up his rear. "Oh no!" said the bartender "Did the locals rob you?" Are you hurt?" The man casually turns around and says "No, I'm just waiting for a fax".

I just read a list of "The 10 Important Things To Do Before You Die". I was pretty surprised that "Yell for help" wasn't one of them.

Stupid Joke

My wife had been after me for several weeks to varnish the wooden seat on our toilet. Finally, I got around to doing it while she was out. After finishing, I left to take care of another matter before she returned. She came in and undressed to take a shower. Before getting in the shower, she sat on the toilet. As she tried to stand up, she realised that the not-quite-dry epoxy paint had glued her to the toilet seat. About that time, I got home and realised her predicament. We both pushed and pulled without any success whatsoever. Finally, in desperation, I undid the toilet seat bolts. Julie wrapped a sheet around herself and I drove her to the hospital emergency room. The ER Doctor got her into a position where he could study how to free her (Try to get a mental picture of this.) My wife tried to lighten the embarrassment of it all by saying "Well, Doctor, I'll bet you've never seen anything like this before". The Doctor replied "Actually, I've seen lots of them. I just never saw one mounted and framed".