Stupid Joke

Two Americans were backpacking in Europe when a car pulled up next to them. The driver rolled down his window and asked in German "Where is the nearest petrol diner?"

The two Americans, not knowing a fraction of German, stared blankly at the driver. "Sorry, but we have no idea what you are saying".

The driver tried again in French and again was met with blank stares and shakes of the head from the two tourists. Getting frustrated, he tried again in Italian, in Spanish, each time receiving nothing but sheepish smiles from the two of them. Finally, he cursed under his breath and drove away angrily.

The first American asked his partner "Maybe we should learn a second language".

His partner shrugged and replied "Why? That dude knew four languages and it didn't help him one bit".

Stupid Joke

A guy tries to walk into a bar but the bouncer says "No tie, no admittance". The guy goes back to his car, looks for a tie but only finds jumper cables. He arranges them around his neck like a tie and heads back in. The bouncer gives him an appraising glance, and says "OK; I'll let you in. But don't start anything!"

Stupid Joke

Several days before Halloween, Tom, Dick and Harry were sitting in a bar enjoying a few quiet drinks, when they decided to get in on the Christmas raffle. Since the raffle was for charity, they bought five tickets each. When the raffle was drawn a few days later, they each won a prize. Tom won the first prize - a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce. Dick was the winner of the second prize - a six-month supply of extra-long gourmet spaghetti. And Harry won the sixth prize - a toilet brush. The next time they met at the bar, Harry asked the others how they were enjoying their prizes. "Great" said Tom. "I love spaghetti". "Me too" replied Dick. "And how's the toilet brush, Harry?" "Not so good" Harry groaned "I reckon I'll go back to toilet paper".

Stupid Joke

A guy goes to a Halloween party with nothing but a girl on his back. "So what the hell are you supposed to be?" the host asks. "I'm a snail" says the guy. "How's anybody supposed to get that?" scoffs the host. "How can you be a snail when all you've got is that girl on your back?" "That's not just any girl, buddy" says the guy slowly. "That's Michelle".

A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods". The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent". "Thank God" said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay".

Me: "What's the Wi-Fi password?" Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first". Me: "Okay, I'll have a coke". Bartender: "Is Pepsi okay?" Me: Sure. "How much is that?" Bartender: "$3" Me: "There you go. So what's the Wi-Fi password?" Bartender: "You need to buy a drink first. No spaces, all lowercase".