My parents told me I could name my new pet dog
anything I wanted and since I was a mischievous little boy, I decided
to name the dog 'Sex'. It seemed funny at first until you understand
all the confusion that this caused me in my later life.
Like the day that I went to the town
hall to get a dog license for Sex. The clerk asked me what I wanted. I
told him I wanted a license for Sex. He said "I'd like to have one,
too".
Then, I said "You don't understand. She's a dog". He replied "Look man, I don't care how she looks". "No no, I've had Sex since I was 5!" He replied "You must have been an early bloomer".
Then, I said "You don't understand. She's a dog". He replied "Look man, I don't care how she looks". "No no, I've had Sex since I was 5!" He replied "You must have been an early bloomer".
When I decided to get married, I told
the minister I wanted to have Sex at the wedding. He told me I'd have
to wait until after the wedding. When I protested that Sex had played a
big part in my life and that my whole life revolved around Sex, he
said he didn't want to hear about my personal life.
After my wife and I got married, I
took the dog with us on the honeymoon. When I checked into the hotel, I
told the clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and wanted one for
Sex. She replied "Sir, every room in the hotel can be used for sex". I
said "You don't understand. Sex keeps me awake at night". The clerk
said "Me too!"
When my wife and I separated, we went
to court to fight for custody of the dog. When I told the Judge I had
Sex before I was married, he grinned and said "Me too".
One day my dog Sex and I took a walk
and he ran away from me. I spent hours looking for that dog. A
policeman came by and asked what I was doing in this alley at midnight.
I told him "I'm looking for Sex!"
My case comes up next Tuesday.
Now that I've been thrown in jail,
married, divorced and had more trouble with that dog than I ever
imagined, I'm in counselling. My psychiatrist asked me what my problem
was.
I said "Sex has left my life. It's like losing a best friend and I'm so lonely".
He said "Look, you and I both know that sex isn't man's best friend. Why don't you go get yourself a dog"...