just in case you had any doubt

 

 

Stupid Joke

A man is dining in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous redhead sitting at the next table. He has been checking her out since he sat down, but lacks the nerve to talk with her.

Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of its socket towards the man. He reflexively reaches out, grabs it out of the air and hands it back.

"Oh my, I am sooo sorry" the woman says as she pops her eye back in place.

"Would you let me buy your dinner to make it up to you?" she says. Smitten, he says yes.

They enjoy a wonderful dinner together, and afterwards they go to the theater. Then they have drinks. They talk, they laugh, they share their deepest dreams.

She listens. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to her place for a nightcap...and stay for breakfast the next morning.

The next morning, she cooks a gourmet breakfast. The guy is amazed!! Everything had been incredible!!!! He is drawn to praise her. "You know" he said "you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"

"Oh heavens no..." she replies "you just happened to catch my eye".

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned... couldn't concentrate.

Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so... they gave me the axe.

After that I tried to be a tailor. It was a so-so job, and I guess I just wasn't suited for it.

Next, I tried working in a muffler factory but that... was exhausting.

I wanted to be a barber, but... I just couldn't cut it.

Then I tried to be a chef. Figured it would add a little spice to my life but I just... didn't have the time.

I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I... couldn't cut the mustard.

My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found... I wasn't very noteworthy.

I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I... didn't have any patience.

Next was a job in a shoe factory; I tried but I... just didn't fit in.

I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I... couldn't live on my net income.

Thought about becoming a witch, so I... tried that for a spell.

I managed to get a good job working for a pool-maintenance company, but the work was... just too draining.

I got a job at a zoo feeding giraffes but I was fired because I... wasn't up to it.

So then I got a job in as a personal trainer, but they said I... wasn't fit for the job.

Next, I found being an electrician interesting, but the work was shocking and I... was discharged.

After many years of trying to find steady work I finally got a job as a historian until I realised there was... no future in it.

My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it... was always the same old grind.

SO I RETIRED AND I FOUND I'M A PERFECT FIT FOR THIS JOB!